Selfish
by somethinglikethesea
Summary: Her fists balled up on either side of her petite form. "I think it's damned clear that you'd choose her over me in a heartbeat. So why do you keep me hanging on? You're so fucking selfish!"
1. Hurt

**Disclaimer**: Nothing belongs to me but the plot. But you know, I totally wish I could be J.K.

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Selfish

_You hurt me more than I deserve, how can you be so cruel? I love you more than you deserve, why am I such a fool?_

"You forgot."

Hermione's voice was quiet and calm but Draco caught the tremors of tightly-controlled anger as only he could after knowing her for so long. He paused, one hand on the door knob, scrambling to remember what he had apparently forgotten.

He had barely stepped into his apartment, but Hermione had already snatched her keys from the top of the shoe cupboard by the entrance and pushed past him. Draco whirled around, grabbing Hermione's arm and started to utter a 'sorry' but was stunned when Hermione had wrenched it back.

In the last few years that they had grown closer to each other, Hermione had never reacted so violently to his touch.

"I'm done." Hermione spat, not even looking at him.

"Wait— What—? I-I'm sorry. I had bumped into Pansy down at the bar on the way back and—" Draco momentarily lost his voice when Hermione turned back, and boy did she look pissed, and Draco had never seen her this mad, or at least, he had never seen so much anger directed to him all at once, especially from her.

"I'm fucking _tired_ of being second best," She hissed, her fists balled up on either side of her petite form. "I think it's damned clear that you'd choose her over me in a _heartbeat_. So why do you keep me hanging on? You're so fucking selfish!"

Draco felt some sort of irrational anger bubble up in his chest. He hated being yelled at, especially when he didn't know what for, and Hermione knew that very well. They'd had this argument too many times before and he was sick of trying to calm her down every single time.

"Then why do you stick around!?" he lashed out recklessly.

Hermione's eyes flashed and he saw her face drop, but a moment later, her impenetrable façade was up and her eyes, pooling with tears, were trained on the ground. "Because I'm an idiot. I actually thought you would care for me more than her one day. But I'm done."

Her hand reached up to her neck and yanked the necklace she wore right off, the one that she'd taken from him after the first night they'd slept together, the one with an identical Malfoy crest charm like the one on the arm band he wore. She dropped it deliberately in the gaping distance between them now. And then she was gone.

Draco slammed the door behind him, still too stung and angry at the accusations. Maybe he shouldn't have said that but it wasn't as if Hermione knew what she was getting herself into. Draco did love her. He did, with all that was his heart. But he couldn't tell her that yet. Not until he had his father out of his life and was on his own way.

Hermione had no right to accuse him of being selfish.

These thoughts had fuelled him as he stepped out of the apartment again and back into the darkness.

_You want me to make that decision?_

_Fine._

_._

* * *

_._

Hours later, Draco was back in the same position at the door. Pansy had so much as refrained from jumping at him when he agreed to take up on her previous offer of letting him bed her, which he previously so eagerly declined. His senses were drowned and overcome by the moment when he'd slipped his length within her soaking centre.

Everything seemed lost to him till the moment when she came. Her 'sensual' screeching ripping him from his trance, like cold water being thrown right over his naked body, and when she'd called out his name, it wasn't the way Hermione would've.

Hermione.

He'd shamelessly pulled himself away from her and dressed with phenomenal speed before running out the door and Apparating himself outside his front door.

But now, his anger slowly dissipated and panic began to seep into his stomach. He was no longer blinded by anger and hurt, no longer acting on impulse, and realisation of what he'd finally done trickled into his mind.

As he shut the door, he heard a tap at the window across from the door. In the darkness that hung around his home, Draco spotted the vaguely familiar owl as he drew the window open. Hedwig flapped around as she landed on his window sill, shaking a scrawny leg his way. He unlatched the magically-shrunken scroll from the bird and reached for his stash of owl treats in the shelf beside him. With a soft hoot, the bird was gone.

The scroll grew to its original size in his grasp as he read the print;

_I don't know what you've done Malfoy but whatever it was, I hope you're sorry. I've been told to send you this on behalf of Hermione to tell you she's gone on a bit of a holiday. She didn't really mention anything about when she'll be getting back. _

_You'll be hearing from me again soon._

Draco raked his fingers through his platinum locks and sighed aloud. He was in deep trouble if either of the two found out what he'd just gone and done. But he felt the last of his anger at Hermione's outburst diminish, replaced by guilt, regret, and fuck, did he really just go out and screw Pansy out of spite? That would make a wonderful story to tell.

Draco agitatedly headed back to his room, taking off his black travelling cloak and easily manoeuvring his way through the darkness, but a movement caught his eye in the dimly lit dining room.

"Crookshanks!" Draco yelled when he saw the unruly ball of fur sitting on the dining table and eating from a plate of—

Oh dear Merlin.

Draco raised a shaky finger to flip the light switch, and the beautifully set table for two, complete with candles to be lit and his favourite roast lamb and vegetables with red wine all ready, staring back at him accusingly.

"You forgot."


	2. Pieces

**Authors Note: **Hi! I just wanted to thank those of you who have reviewed and favourited and/or followed this story and myself as an author! I cannot relay to you guys how much this actually means to me. Selfish was just meant to be a one-shot but I had a few of you question whether that's where it stopped and to keep updating and I literally got so excited and realized that I'm not going to let you guys down, so here it is! I've decided to make this a three or four part series so stay tuned! Also, the next part may not come up as fast as this has since i'll be busy with commitments.

So please, read and review because as you can see, it's made me write a whole lot faster! THANK YOU SO MUCH!

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Selfish

Part II: Pieces

_I don't know which is worse, being the one with the broken heart or being the one that breaks them._

She was leaving.

She was going to go away for a while and contemplate whether or not to come back. The aching pain hovering at the pit of her heart still hadn't left. She knew it wouldn't leave as fast as she wished it did. A week later and it still stung when her thoughts drifted back to _him._

Draco.

It was ridiculous. Just when she thought everything had finally settled, that useless bint had to show up and ruin it all. There was only so much that she could bear with Draco's new path in life that he'd decided to take. His take-over of Malfoy Inc. was taking its toll and the rebuilding of his image in the wizarding community had its fair share of battering.

But that didn't mean he didn't have time for her. She'd tried so hard – which may have been an understatement - to help him, but there were points where he wouldn't want an inkling of support because, as he'd always emphasized, 'he could do it'.

She'd bade to lessen his load, allow opportunities to spend time together but of course, she was most likely fifth on his list of priorities. She eventually realized that after all her failed attempts at home dates that she should stop trying. And it hurt to even think of giving up, it just wasn't her.

And on her last futile effort to finally try to push the slightest feeling of normality back into his tumultuous life, it – once again – nose-dived. Hermione did all she could to take her mind off the misadventure. Reading, busying herself with work, cleaning her already meticulously organized apartment and somehow, some way she'd find herself drifting back to him.

But here she was, packing, ready to leave for a little while with the pieces of her heart safely wrapped away, eagerly waiting to be patched back together again in peace.

Hermione had been so deep in her thoughts that she hadn't heard the roar of her fireplace. Ginny emerged soundlessly, brushing the dust from her coat before settling on the couch beside her suitcase.

"Boo..."

Without taking her eyes away from folding her underwear, Hermione merely huffed in acknowledgement of Ginny's presence.

"Are you alright 'Mione?"

She stopped folding and tossed the rest of the clothes she had beside her right into the suitcase, grabbing hold of the zipper and yanking it around till is was fully fastened. With her eyes now closed, Hermione turned to Ginny, exhaling deeply as she gave her a soft smile.

"Would you like some tea before you go?" Ginny asked as she placed her lightly freckled hands on Hermione's shoulders. She didn't even need to nod in response since Ginny could already read her mind and rose to make her way to the kitchen.

Her suitcase was placed beside the fire place along with her travelling coat. She joined Ginny back at her couch, resting her tired body right beside her best friend.

"So, how are you feeling?"

Hermione placed the mug of tea between her thighs and sighed aloud. "It hurts, Gin."

Without any further conversation needed, Ginny placed both mugs on the table top then drew Hermione in for a hug. It felt as though the slightest effort to voice her pain tugged at the torn pieces of her delicately wrapped heart. But there Ginny was, holding onto her as though she knew – that if she let go too soon – the dam she'd built to block out all tears would collapse.

They stayed like that for a while. Hermione simply reveling in the last few minutes of company she had before she left.

And when she did leave, she did feel a little better. Slightly oblivious to the gaping hole beneath her heart.

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The journey to Primrose Lodge was a lengthy one, but just what she needed. The hum of the taxi cab that took her to her destination posed as a steady beat to lull her to sleep. She hadn't been here in years. The last time she had stayed at the lodge was three years ago with her cousin and her boyfriend. From what she last heard Phoenix and Sam were still together.

It pained her to dwell of the concept of any sort of romantic unity. Her mother had brought her to Primrose Lodge a few times when she was much younger, the last time she had been there earned her the lengthy, faded pink scar from her ankle to shin.

The lodge wasn't anything of the average kind. Primrose lodge was utterly unique, with little two story cottages scattered over the acres of land that the Hillstrong's possessed. Some were in the midst of the forest, others lined across the shore. It was the perfect place she needed to escape and be at peace to mend her heart.

And now here she was, standing in the little cottage that was the information centre. Hermione rang the little bell, waiting to be tended to and before she knew it, a tall, model-proportioned young woman stood before her. Her bay blue eyes standing out against her olive complexion.

"Welcome to Primrose Lodge, do you have a reservation?"

Hermione watched as she flicked a stray curl over her shoulder, near mesmerized by her grace. "Uh, hi— no, I don't have a reservation. This was a spur of the moment thing b-but is Phoenix Hillstrong available?"

The girls eyes dilated a fraction before asking, "Can I get a name please?"

"Hermione Jean Granger." She rolled her shoulders back in a confident manner, hoping that she hadn't come across too weak.

There was a pause, brief but enough to make her a little uncomfortable. And now the girl's eyes widened dramatically. "'Mione?"

Unsure of the reason behind the girl's use of her nickname, Hermione inclined her head on a slight angle in confusion.

"Hermione it's me, Phoenix…"

Now it was her turn to reveal as much of the whites of her eyes as she could. Her jaw dropped slightly as she took in her distant cousin's appearance. Her previously blonde locks were now a deep brown and she'd most certainly grown into her own. "No way…"

Letting out a heavy sigh of what seemed to be relief; Phoenix darted around from behind the desk and embraced Hermione with utmost glee. They hadn't seen each other in years and it felt brilliant to finally see each other again.

"My, my, my, you have certainly grown up haven't you 'Mione!"

"Speak for yourself! It's been a while hasn't it?"

With a sad smile Phoenix replied, "Too long."

It was in that moment that they both knew no more needed to be said and so she was guided to a little golf cart-type buggy that her luggage was placed into, then patiently waited till the driver came to escort her to her cottage.

Sam approached her with unrestrained effort to hide his joy at finally seeing her once again. The same conversation carried through between the two and again, silenced carried along as she was driven to her new home.

Settling in was a breeze but finally being along unfortunately allowed the sting of agony run rampant throughout her entire being. Maybe being alone wasn't exactly the brightest idea but it would all turn out.

She lay on the couch, curling into herself to try and keep herself together, to cling to the remnants of what helped her stay sane, stay strong. Her efforts were futile. A lone tear of pain surged over her red rimmed eye, plummeting to its end but signaling a waterfall of an encore in its wake.

Hermione barely moved, couldn't in a way, as the hurt ebbed gently from the cavernous hole below her heart. How else could she possibly numb the feeling that currently swamped her soul? She refused to occupy her mind with tedious distractions but there was one option niggling in her skull.

Slowly standing from her fetal position on the couch, Hermione moved sluggishly toward the cabinet above the sink. And with her luck, she'd found what she was looking for.

Alcohol – liquid confidence or false hope in a bottle, call it what you want – a simple liquid with the ability to override one's self control and let it be with reckless abandon.

Even though the rational and logical part of her mind begged and near screamed that she refrain from consuming the toxic fluid, Hermione carried on pouring the fire whiskey into the glass. Once done she sat on the back porch facing the open and endless sea. She was lucky to have landed herself this spot as it was where she always stayed whenever she'd been at the lodge and with their success; they've been flat out booked.

But she was, once again, lucky and utterly thankful that she managed to get this particular cottage. Her first swig of the whiskey wasn't exactly too great. The pungent fumes gave her sense of smell a right wake up and dabbing her tongue lightly increased her nerves. Once she'd eventually downed a few gulps, the burn slightly subsided and she could physically feel the tension seep from her skin.

With her new found, free flowing nature, she decided to go for a walk, leaving the glass behind and bringing the bottle for company. As she trudged along the carved track to the rocky shore line, Hermione would take courageous mouthfuls of the whiskey.

She froze once she neared a particular spot. In a moment of hesitation, she took in the scenery before her, the sapphire blue watery depths taunting her to remember. Her body buzzed with adrenaline as she relived the memory when she'd first received the scar on her leg and all its moments afterwards.

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_"Okay, you hold my legs and lower me down slowly then I should be able to reach it—"_

_"You are not serious are you!?"_

_"Uh, I sure as hell am! That was my grandmothers and I am _not, _and I repeat, _not _going to leave it down there!" She lied. _

_"Alright then! Settle down…"_

_"Sam, I'm serious about this—"_

_"I won't drop you! I promise. But I don't get why you can't just climb down yourself?"_

_"Because it's a little too high for me to get back up and the rock that the necklace is on is a little higher than the ledge below so I'll reach it, if you lower me down."_

_Hermione started to lie flat on her stomach, the cold surface of the rocky ground sapping away the last few remains of what body heat she held, and slid herself a little over the edge as Sam grabbed her ankles. _

_"Remind me to never bring you fishing again. Especially, if you're wearing some precious heirloom jewelry!"_

_Hermione snorted as she continued to shuffle slowly over the edge. "And that's perfectly fine with me! I didn't want to come anyway! Phoenix dragged me here as company but I turned out being a third wheel!"_

_"Enough of the talking, can you just edge over a little faster so we can get out of here?"_

_"Yeah, yeah, yeah…"_

_By this point, her upper half of her body was flush against the rock wall, scaling down slowly like Spiderman going down a building, except she was lacking web slinging wrists. It was a narrow slip that Hermione was hanging upside down in, and not fun when the weather was starting to change and she lacked trust in the being holding her feet._

_"Come on 'Mione—"_

_"I'm almost there!" The bright silver chain with the Malfoy crest pendant was glowing in the murky weather, the source of its shine being the ray of sun that managed to penetrate the oncoming clouds and bounce off the metal._

_Everything was going perfectly. She was mere centimetres away from the necklace, she hadn't been dropped yet and the rain was holding out. But even making the thought of how well everything was going seemed to jinx it all._

_Thunder began to roar and the wind picked up speed, tousling Hermione's hair as it whipped at her face. The hair in her eyes obstructed her vision, and to add to the list of negative events, the rain began to pour. Sam's grip on her ankles tightened, a sure sign that his grip was slipping and the perfect signal for her to start panicking. _

_And panic was what she did. Her breathing turned ragged as she tried to wipe away the hair sticking to her face and the rain splattering against her skull. With Sam's hold faltering, she began to swing slightly, hitting against the rock wall to her right._

_And the wind was billowing across the rock wall. Right as she was about to strike her hand out to grab the necklace, Sam let her slip slightly._

_"SAM! DON'T YOU DARE LET ME GO! DON'T YOU _DARE_ LET ME GO!"_

_"I'M TRYING, I'M TRYING!"_

_It didn't feel like he was trying. Before she knew it, she managed to register a slight tingling sensation where the contact around her ankles once was. The next thing she knew, she was lying flat on her back, rain pouring all over her. _

_With her hair in her face and plastered along her eyelids, the struggle to open her eyes was like trying to move mountains. The sounds around her were muffled, coming through as a low hum. Peeking through the slits she managed to open her eyes to, the world was a grey blur. She parted her lips ever so slightly, trying to take in oxygen in fear that she was severely lacking._

_And in a moment of sheer panic and realization of what had just happened, Hermione shot up, just like one would when waking from a bad nightmare. Boy was that a move she thoroughly regretted. A surge of pain fired down the length of her spine, immobilizing her for a few minutes. _

_Finally coming back to her senses, blinking away the blur, Hermione looked up at where she had fell from. She spotted Sam hanging over the edge, screaming into his phone, looking torn between running and getting help and staying to keep an eye on her._

_Why did he look so panicked? Attempting to concentrate on what he was screaming, she caught, 'blood gushing everywhere' and 'probably broken'. _

_What was? _

_Hermione looked down at her legs. Her right shin was covered in blood, there was so much that it was pooling around her calf. She bent over to examine her torn jeans a little more closely. Hissing as she folded the blood drenched material out of the way, the sight she saw was puke inducing. The deep gash went all the way from centimeters above her ankle to right beneath her knee cap; it was so deep she could swear that she could see the bone. Not being able to take the sight any longer, Hermione covered the wound back over._

_Her knee cap looked a bit funny too. Pressing on it ever so lightly choked up an ear splitting scream from the depths of her throat, followed by a string of curses. She'd probably fractured or broken her knee cap. Then a wave of agony hit her like a tonne of bricks, within seconds she was screaming again, trying not to writhe around in fear she'd worsen her condition._

_What sounded like distant calls got louder and everything started to spin. She fell onto her back, pain taking over. Her head lolled to the right, her sight slowly glazing over as black dots seeped in and out of view. In her last remaining moments of consciousness, the sun's rays shone through the clouds, a lone beam striking something that was glowing silver. Fragments of green light were the last thing she remembered._

_._

* * *

_._

She didn't even realize the tears that were streaming down her face or the sudden lack of oxygen. All she remembered from after the accident whirled around and took occasional stabs at her conscience, like an unforgiving wasp. She wouldn't have recovered as quickly as she did if it weren't for _him. _Harry helped but it was more so_ he_ who brought her back to her regular, all-knowing self.

He'd been the one to take her from Harry's watchful eye and speed up her recovery at St. Mungo's, the one to force her to stand and exercise her leg when he knew she was able to, he was the one to rehabilitate not only her body but her mind also and he was most certainly the one to hold her together when flashbacks violently battered her memory.

She felt weak and helpless and so she threw the bottle with all her might over into the rocky shoreline, reveling in the satisfying smash that sounded against the rocks. Enough was enough, she herself had to take the shards of her ruined heart and tether them back together herself.

The bed greeted her with open arms and no external force could move her from its platform. A dizzying sensation engulfed her skull as she closed her eyes. Hermione began to visualize herself unwrapping the imaginary cloth she'd enveloped her bruised heart with then slowly and steadily sewing it back together.

But now, as she sat back and examined her end result, there was something lacking. What? She couldn't exactly identify. It looked lifeless and deflated. It was in need of a pulse, a beat. One that could only be drummed into her heart by a certain blonde.

She needed him. It was essential that she had him to function normally, period. Hermione curled in on herself once again, holding onto her knees tightly – and possibly a little too tight – as a wave of unacquainted unconsciousness drew her in.

Hermione did not dream that night; or for the rest to come.


	3. Shadows

**Authors Note**: Hiiiiiiiiii! Wow I am so sorry for how delayed this has been but with the past couple of weeks since my last update, you could basically say that my life has been through a washing machine several times over... But that doesn't matter, I've finally got this up and I'm feeling a little relieved. Not sure when the next and final part will be up but in the meantime, I wish you all a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year! Enjoy x

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Selfish

Part III: Shadows

_Don't hate me, don't regret me, don't even forget me. Wherever you go, whatever you do, don't say I never loved you._

He was tired.

Hunched over on the floor with his shirt damply clinging to his body, was where Potter found him.

As his heavy breathing echoed in the large training room, Draco kept his head down, purely not bothered to lift it or make eye contact with The Boy Who Lived. "What are you doing here, Potter?"

Harry didn't move from his post beside the door. "You haven't answered any of my letters so I thought I'd pay you a visit."

"How did you know w-where I was?" Draco breathed out, exhausted.

"I tried your apartment and you weren't there and the next most reasonable place to check was here." Harry stated matter-of-factly.

"Well now you've found me, so, you can be on your way out now."

He heard Harry mutter something to himself before he heard his footsteps getting closer. Before he knew it, he was being lifted to his feet. "I didn't come all this way just to check whether you were alive or not, Malfoy."

"Then why _are_ you here?" It was a stupid question because he knew too well why.

It'd been a month since _she_ had left and since he himself had withdrawn from the world. He'd done all he could not to remember the night that everything had essentially fallen apart. Everything seemed surreal a week after the incident. Not finding _her _in his bed like she used be to or the way that _she_ would surprise him with home dates that he never got to enjoy because of how selfish and arrogant he'd been about his work.

Fucking hell.

And then his crest necklace was quite the painful reminder too. It wasn't meant to be sitting on his bedside table gathering dust. It was meant to be latched around her neck, meant to glow against her silk-soft milky skin.

Draco squeezed his eyes closed, trying to push the memories and oncoming dizziness away. He'd done all he could to forget the unforgivable deed he'd done. He even went as far as to obliviate the memory from Pansy's thick skull.

He felt like a coward, having to wipe the memory from Pansy's mind, but he was near compelled to do it. She would've been the only other person to know of his infidelity and could've used it against him; so he had to do it.

Draco now stood there, wand in one hand, clenching his fists in an attempt to control his rising fury. And Potter's presence wasn't helping.

"I'm pretty sure you know the answer to that one, Malfoy."

Taking measured breaths, Draco rolled his shoulders back and stood up straight. He was not going to have a heart-to-heart, deep and meaningful conversation with Harry Potter. And so, he started to walk away, further from the living soul that annoyed him simply with its existence.

"I'm not leaving till you tell me what happened!" Harry called after him. "I couldn't get a word out of Hermione either! I don't even know where she is."

He froze. The sound of her name had him falling apart inside.

Harry saw him visibly tense even at a distance. He knew he'd struck a chord and was ready for the backfire of consequences for doing so. "You can both be so ridiculously stubborn and sometimes, it never works out for either of you! The more you leave this situation the harder it'll be when you even bother to try and get it back."

Draco just stood there, unmoving, trying to get grips of his sanity before all hell broke loose.

"You know, you two are so alike, it's no wonder she'd fallen for you!"

Draco felt his arms seize up.

"I don't even know what else she could possible see in you besides the fact that you're quite the coward when you want to be." Harry knew very that what he was doing had him wading waist deep in dangerous waters.

It was almost as if he could feel his limbs being set on fire. Draco felt the adrenaline slowly dousing every fiber of his being.

"You don't even deserve her."

The silence that followed was fatal and Harry was so much as blessed that he didn't blink when Draco spun around, firing a beam of red light his way.

And then they were both off, Harry in a defensive mode and conjuring obstacles to hide behind while Draco, on the other hand, was all for turning Harry Potter into The Boy Who Stopped Living Because Of Draco Malfoy.

The heat of the atmosphere in the room was intense. Harry wasn't surprised if something were to combust, there was that much electricity in the air and it all came from Draco. His wrath was near tangible and he could admit that he was a little frightened.

Draco was consumed with rage, blinded. He fired all he knew at Harry with reckless abandon, not caring if he actually struck him down or not. All that reverberated around his skull was that one line, _'You don't even deserve her.'_

He didn't want to hear what he had always deeply feared.

"You don't know what I do and do not deserve Potter!" Draco roared as his entire frame was buzzing with power.

Harry darted around and dodged all that Draco fired at him, attempting to get close enough to fire back at Draco and disarm him. He now had to let Draco vent because all that was pent up inside of him needed to come out.

"You will never _ever_ know how hard I work for what I want or what I go through to get what I deserve!" Draco's throat was almost dry with exhaustion, his over exertion finally taking its toll.

He wasn't going to give up, no way.

A sudden dizziness consumed his very mind at one instant, giving Harry an unfortunate advantage.

Harry watched as Draco's eyes glazed over, knowing fully that he had pushed himself a little too hard and the consequences were finally kicking in. In the moment that Draco had so involuntarily presented him with, Harry dashed out from behind his conjured barricade while firing an _Expelliarmus_ right at Draco.

He was forced back meters from where he previously stood, the gust of wind that formed in his wake causing gooseflesh to rise over his exposed arms once he'd landed with a thud. His head felt as though all the fluid in his skull turned to liquid mercury, the weight so heavy it was almost as if he'd leave a dent in the floor beneath him.

And now, all the energy that he thought he had left as he was dueling Harry previously, kicked in as the painful lactic acid that swam through his body, leaving him breathing deep and trying to get a grip on a steady pulse.

But no, his already dying pulse continued to slow. Black spots seeped in and out of his view before he let his consciousness go. All he saw before it all went black, were a pair of spectacles he wished to snatch off the bearers face and stamp all over.

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* * *

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_"I am not going to get up."_

_She sat there, glaring daggers at him. But he wasn't going to have it, her continual refusal wouldn't stop him from walking over there and physically picking her up off of the couch if that was what it came to._

_"Granger, do you really think I'm going to let you sit there on your arse all day doing shit all? You need to get up and get moving!" _

_"The doctor said—"_

_"I couldn't care less what the _doctor_ said, you are going to stand up _at least _once today!" Draco stood and stalked over to where Hermione sat, smirking as she curled up on herself as if bracing herself for what he was to do next._

_"Draco—! No, no! Don't you dare—!" With wide eyes she snatched her wand from the coffee table in front of her and pointed it directly towards his chest. "I'm not kidding Draco, come _any _closer and I will—" _

_Draco effortlessly darted forward and scooped her up before she could fire any jinx toward him. He held her tight, making sure she couldn't somehow manage to free her arms and escape his grasp or smack him over the head. Either option wasn't particularly desired._

_She was as light as a feather, her weight bearing no burden for him as he picked up a light jog, maneuvering them both through the halls of Malfoy Manor. Draco wandlessly opened the door to his newly refurbished training room, placed her down as lightly as he could before magically locking the door._

_"And here we are!"_

_"Draco—"_

_He cut her off with overly emphasizing coughs as he cleared his throat. "We are gathered here today for Miss Granger's first lesson in Defense Against Draco Malfoy! Now, would you please rise…?" _

_Draco flicked his wand at her tired form still seated on the floor, intending for the motion to make her stand._

_Hermione just stared back at him. Her honey brown orbs twinkling lightly, and for a moment he could've let her just stay seated but no, he would make her move. Shaking his head, he thought of ways he could get her to her feet without forcing her… physically._

_"Refusing to participate in this lesson will result in detention…" Draco stated, carrying on his professional façade._

_The corners of her lips pulled into a nimble smile, his heart fluttering slightly at the sight of it. _

_But still she didn't move._

_"I won't ask you again, _Hermione_." _

_"And what will you do if I don't, _Draco?_"_

_That was all he needed to proceed in reveling in his mischievous self. "Diffindo."_

_The buttons of her cream blouse burst off in quick succession, pitter-pattering on the hard wood floor around her. Her facial expression morphed from tired, to shock and then to furious. Draco did all he could to refrain from bursting out laughing._

_"Draco! How dare you!" She slowly began to lift herself from the floor in a flurry of exhausted limbs. "What gave you the right to just—"_

_This was his chance to take advantage and now he really had to get her moving. Draco knew his next move would be the perfect catalyst. He redirected his pointed wand from her to the window to her left. "Reducto!"_

_Time slowed down as the spell penetrated the window. Hermione dropped to the floor, diving forward out of the line of the crystal mass flying toward her. Landing with a heavy thud, she watched on in a moment of awe as the shards of glass twinkled and spun in mid-air, a mosaic, a dance of broken, gleaming fragments in the setting sun. _

_She rolled away from the shower of fractured glass, only to collide with the wall, forcing her to roll back over the fresh carpet of glass. Multiple points of her body were stabbed by the diverse lengths of glass splinters, making her shriek in pain._

_Draco now crouched into an offensive stance, ready for her and whatever she was bound to launch at him. He watched in wonder as she rose from the ground, cheeks now flushed a bright crimson and her eyes burning bright with the intention on setting anything her sights were laid upon ablaze. His mere existence the primary target._

_"You mindless idiot!" Hermione very much shrieked. "Are you mental!?"_

_He could physically see her body buzzing with fury, the electricity surrounding her petite form giving her a dangerous glow. Draco knew her question was rhetorical and before he could even think to sarcastically reply, she'd fired a Stupefy directly at him._

_They were off and darting around the room, twirling and leaping out of the way of their fired curses._

_"Impedimenta, Incarcerous!" Hermione bellowed. _

_Draco spun out of the course of the jinxes, chuckling as he shouted, "Missed me!" _

_Hermione snarled._

_Were his ears deceiving him or did she really just snarl? And at him!?_

_He'd set something off within her and he ever so slightly feared for his life. Never had he ever heard her snarl in such an aggressive manner, ever! He'd never even heard her make such an animalistic sound in the time he'd known her at all._

_And now he took the time to watch how she moved as he conjured obstacles in her way, in admiration of her fluidity and how graceful she appeared before him. She even looked kind of sexy, all angry and flushed._

_Being completely taken by how flawless she looked in her prime, Draco's efforts dropped faintly but unfortunately enough for Hermione to notice._

_Hermione dashed and obliterated his summoned hurdles, firing a Deprimo toward a slightly dazed Draco Malfoy. The strong gust of wind sent Draco's lean form surging backwards, landing with a hefty thud._

That was unexpected, _Draco dizzily thought._

_His head felt as though swarms of butterflies were whizzing their way around in different circular motions, making it hard to get a grip on reality. He groaned aloud, the sound coming out in broken strands as he tried to breath deep._

_Black dots began to seep in and out of his view as his drumming pulse started to slow. He managed to register the thud of weight beside him, the small draft causing his skin to tingle._

_Draco could hear the muffled apologies flowing from Hermione's lips. _

_"Oh… Shut up you…" he drawled as his consciousness lingered. "But see…? You're… Okay…" _

_In the moments before his vision went blank, his palm burned with the warmth of skin to skin contact. Draco drifted into unconsciousness with the quiet chime of Hermione's laugh and a smile on his lips._

.

* * *

.

Hollow. Drained. Wounded.

Not physically but mentally, it was all painful.

Slowly blinking away the fragments sleep caught between his eyelashes, Draco remained still, taking in his surroundings and realizing he was in his own bedroom. Every part of his body felt as though it'd burnt, beaten and battered. But it was all in his head, and heart.

All that happened before he'd passed out came back to the forefront of his memory, reminding him that he could never really escape reality entirely. There was only so long that he would've been able to all his emotions trapped away. His moment of weakness allowed it to consume him entirely, leaving him feeling as he was in the current moment.

Hermione.

She'd done this to him. If it wasn't for her, none of this would've happened. But even she wasn't entirely to blame. It's not like he hadn't played his fair share in ruining it all.

And now he lay there, still remaining unmoving in fear that the agony would worsen, not knowing what to do.

His thoughts were interrupted by the opening of the door.

His mother entered, followed by Deli his house elf holding a tray of food.

"Ah, Master Draco is awake!" Deli placed the now hovering tray beside Draco before dashing back out the door. Narcissa kept her post at the door, watching with a particular look in her eyes that he couldn't place.

"How are you feeling Draco?"

He merely moaned in reply, feeling unable to speak.

"You have a visitor…"

_Who could possibly visit me now?_

His mother moved from the doorway, inching back out the door as a new figure appeared. The token spectacles gave him away instantly, causing Draco to manage a growl at the depths of his throat. "Oh… fuck _off_…"

Harry didn't care for his obvious lack of enthusiasm toward his arrival and continued to stand at the edge of his bed. "I'm going to leave, but before I do, have something to say."

"Don't you always…" Draco choked up in response.

Harry rolled his eyes at him, "I know I may never know what truly happened between the two of but what I do know is that you better fix it fast because 'Mione would never have stuck around for as long as she had with you if it weren't for whatever it was that keeps her tied to you, which is something I'll never really understand either. You have to find her, whether you get back together or don't, you _have _to make amends. Not leave it like this."

Draco stayed silent, not wanting to make eye contact with annoying git before him. Who did Potter think he is, coming in and trying to play love doctor? He felt utterly uncomfortable being under the scrutinizing gaze of The Chosen One and so he decided to speak, "You can leave now…"

Harry had already made his way for the door by the time he chose to speak, leaving Draco to ponder on what was said and he own thoughts.

"And by the way, I'd been told she was last with Ginny before she left." And then he was out.

The silence that consumed the large expanse that was his room felt as though it began to chew at his dwindling patience. Would he leave their situation as is? Leave it to rot to the point that it may never be able to be rehabilitated? Would he really do that to himself, to her?

With an overly emphasized growl, Draco threw his bed sheets over his body and swung his legs over the edge of the bed, all a little too fast.

His mind was consumed with a tingling dizziness, leaving him thinking that his last move was a bad idea.

But so was his next.


	4. Lover of the Light

_**A/N**_: Wow, hello! I am _so_ sorry for how long this has taken but after bribing myself with chocolate and other sorts of rewards (my key motivator being that I wanted to give this to myself as a birthday present), here it is. All done and dusted. I am forever thankful and appreciative of all those responsible for following and favouriting this story and myself as an author; you'll never know how much it means to me. And in return I gift you with the final part of this saga. Thank you all very much once again!

* * *

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Selfish

Part IV: Lover of the Light

_It's not that we aren't meant to be together, I just think that we're just not ready for forever_

* * *

.

The standalone, multistoried home sat isolated in the vast expanse of the rolling meadows and fertile fields, its seemingly rickety structure fortified by the likes of magic. Draco stood a couple of yards away, contemplating whether his current decision was to be followed through or to go with the niggling idea at the forefront of his mind to bail.

But what use would that be? He'd come this far for her and he may as well go all the way if it meant they'd be saved.

He manufactured a quick backbone as he rapped at the wooden front door, waiting for the sound of needing-to-be-oiled hinges to squeak to life. Within a couple minutes of standing alone, the door before him was drawn backwards accompanied with an exasperated sigh, coming from no other than Ginny – now – Potter herself.

Her eyes widened significantly at the sight of him as she announced, "You're so lucky nobody's home."

In her arms she held a little baby and by the looks of it, a boy. Momentarily taken by the baby's sea green eyes, Draco drew his sight back to Ginny. "Are you just going to leave me standing out here?"

"I may as well." Ginny gave him a deathly glare as she bounced the toddler on her hip.

"Ah, but that's no way to treat a guest."

"You can't even be classed as one, Malfoy."

His attempt at light-hearted teasing was swept aside as his reason for even being here kicked in. "I just want answers."

She kept her glare, not breaking away. "And what is it you may do with the ones you might possibly receive?"

"Does this really have to continue right here?"

With a heavy sigh, Ginny gestured for him to follow her to the kitchen then stay put before she returned. "What is it that you _exactly _want to know?"

There was no point in him for even daring to beat around the bush, plus he didn't want to spend all too much time where he didn't need to be. "Where is she?"

"She?"

"Granger."

"Granger? Back on second name basis are we?"

He moaned aloud, why was he wasting his time here? He should've just interrogated Potter as much as he could before even setting foot out here. "Hermione."

"Hermione what?"

The tension in his shoulders began to rustle his nerves, so he exhaled a deep breath before continuing. "Where is she? Where is Hermione?"

"After what you've put her through, why would you want to find her?"

Ginny and her stubborn persona were starting to get to him and it was only a matter of time before he lashed out. "And how would that be any of your business?"

"She is my best friend! I have every right not to tell you where she is!"

"Well the faster you give me the answers I want, the quicker I'll be out of your way!"

"It's been how long now? Nearly two months she's been gone and now you want to sort things out!? You don't deserve to see her again!"

Draco did all he could to control the tremors of fury running down his body. In a soft and measured tone he accused, "Just like I told your _husband_, you don't know what I do and do not deserve."

Ginny did everything she could to keep up her stubborn posture and not take a step back. His sudden quiet tone had her calculating that she was to tread lightly.

"I've made a decision, to go ahead and do what is best for the both of us. You know where she is and if you're not going to tell me then there's no use in wasting my time here. I'll find her myself."

Draco relaxed and released his balled fists. It was a complete and utter waste of time being here. He'd worked up too many nerves than expected and wasted a whole lot of time and patience.

And so he turned for the door and guided himself out, leaving a partially frightened Ginny in her kitchen watching his back as he left.

And now what would he do? Scout of the entire mass that is the United Kingdom just to find her? Would he do that?

"I would've thought you'd have placed a tracking charm on her something…" Ginny called out, breaking him away from his thoughts.

He turned slightly to look over his shoulder to see her motioning to come back inside.

Draco followed her to stand before the fireplace, not entirely sure of why he followed her back inside the Burrow.

"I… I thought about what you had mentioned earlier, about the choice you made…"

"What about it?"

"A—Are you sure you know what you're doing?"

He breathed aloud, "I wouldn't be doing anything if I didn't."

"Right." She nervously wrung her hands. He could see the internal questioning going on inside her by the simple expressions on her face. Torn, upset, angry then to something similar to sympathetic. Whatever is was that she had going on inside of that freckled skull of hers, she'd better hurry up.

She moved away from him to find a paper and pen, scribbling something down.

"Where you want to find her is in muggle London." She handed over the folded piece of paper as she continued. "There is the address and the way to get there."

He did all he could to refrain from running back outside and apparating to his first check point.

Draco gave her an appreciative nod before walking himself out again. Now he could start, really start, to fix everything. But it was also the time that he had to start striking a speech together.

And Merlin wasn't that going to be fun.

.

* * *

.

The constant humming of the car engine could have lulled Draco to sleep if it weren't for the terrible driving skills of the taxi driver. It was quite a lengthy trip, an hour almost. But to Draco it felt like eternity. After only ever becoming attributed to wizarding means of travel, Draco didn't seem too comfortable travelling a way he never had before.

The time that he was presented with did do him a favor; to rally his thoughts and pick the right words to say. He could almost be thankful for the amount of time he had.

The scenery around him began to transform, gradually morphing from vast meadows to mountainous hills decorated with thick clusters of tall trees that were also lined along either side of the road acting as nature's fence, separating man from the forest countryside.

It was not long after the change of scenery that Draco could spot his destination, Primrose Lodge.

He was told that it was a ginormous expanse of acres and acres of land, dispersed with cozy, two-storied cottages suited for any sort of individual. What a great investment it was too.

Not long after Draco paid off the taxi, he made his way over to the reception of the lodge. The bell above the door rang aloud but no one was around or came out at the sound of his entry. He scouted the room for any living soul before walking directly to the desk and rung the little bell on the countertop as he called out, "Hello?"

Within minutes after ringing the bell, a tall, tanned skinned female scooted behind the counter. "Hello and welcome to Primrose Lodge; would you like to make a booking or do you already hold a reservation?"

Clearing his throat Draco responded. "I—I'm actually here looking for someone..."

The young woman grimaced a little. "I'm sorry but we can't actually disclose any information of any of our guests; I apologize for the inconvenience. Is there anything else I can help you with?"

There was no way he was being turned away from his target now. "I'm looking for Hermione Granger, is she here?"

She went quiet as she processed his question. Ah ha, so she definitely was here thank Merlin.

"And who may you be?"

"Draco Malfoy." He held his breath for a reason he did not know. Why would it matter who he was to her? It's not as though she'd know who he was.

He watched as her eyes flitted across his features, processing his appearance. It was a quiet for a little too long, but that silence was broken before he could attempt to clear the awkwardness from the air.

"You." She stated as she raised a finger toward him. "You!"

Draco's eyes widened and took a step back. Whoever she was, Hermione may have said something to her but this didn't seem to be going any way he would like.

He stood there, not comprehending what was going on as another joined the girl behind the desk.

"Hey, what's going on here?" The man asked to the both of them.

Draco merely raised his eyebrows in question, hoping he conveyed some sort of innocence toward the guy.

"It's him Sam. The one who 'Mione was talking about."

'Mione? Who were these people?

Sam looked at the girl incredulously. "How would you even know, Phoenix? You haven't even met him! All Hermione did was describe to you what he looked like. There could be any tall, skinny blonde dude that could be him."

_Skinny dude!? _Draco narrowed his eyes slightly at Sam, not revealing his offence at his apparent description that Hermione had told them. She wouldn't have called him skinny… Would she? No, she wouldn't.

Phoenix turned to Sam and placed her hands on his shoulders. "Sam, honey, there's only so much 'Mione has told you and trust me when I say she'd tell her cousin certain information that she wouldn't tell her cousin's partner."

She flashed Sam an artificially sweet smile before she turned back to Draco. "What are you doing here?"

Taken slightly aback by the subtle poison in her tone, Draco pulled himself together. "I'm here to see Hermione."

"Do you really think it's going to be that easy to get to her!? She told me what you did and what makes you think I'd let you go anywhere near her again!"

Draco stood strong, like he told himself before, he was this far and there was no way in hell he was turning away.

Sam stood by confidently but not saying a word.

"I don't get what could possibly give you the incentive to think you could get her back!" Phoenix shouted.

"Hey keep it down!" Sam interjected.

Oh that was it. He was not going to stand there silent and be belittled by someone he had no clue of and could think she could get away with it. And if she was going to raise her voice, so was he.

"You have got no clue of my intention for even being here other than it is for Hermione! Don't you dare think that you're going to stop me either!"

"Oh yeah!?" Phoenix taunted.

"Hey, no yelling!" Sam tried again.

"Shut up!" They both bellowed at Sam.

The silence was tense and it was his chance to try and pull some of the wool from Phoenix's eyes.

"You wouldn't have a clue how far I've come for her. I'm not going to walk away from the effort I've put in to track her down and you are most certainly not going to stop me."

Phoenix went to shout out at him again but Sam shot his arm out in front of her mouth and clasped his hand over her lips. He then guided her to the office beside the counter, giving her a nudge in that direction then quickly closing the door behind him.

Same held the door knob that was being throttled by Phoenix screaming obscenities at the wooden door. "Grab a map."

"Sorry?" Draco didn't understand. He was completely lost.

Sam nudged his head in the direction of the main desk. "Grab a map from the little slot hanging from the desk; it's a map of the lodge."

Not even wanting to spare another precious moment, Draco nearly darted forward at the table and took the folded leaflet of the map. He looked back toward Sam for further instruction.

"You see that cross on the map?"

Draco gave a firm nod.

"That's where you are now. Where you want to be is on the eastern side of the lodge."

Draco scanned the map for the particular side he was after. Once found, he looked up at Sam as confirmation.

"Her cottage is along the eastern shore, there are only two cottages there. One is abandoned; the other is where she currently resides." Sam's body shook as Phoenix beat at the door.

He found the two points on the map of the potential locations. The amount of relief that was flooding his chest was almost enough to make him pass out.

"Make him _WALK!_" Phoenix roared from behind the door.

"She has a point…" Sam stated with a sigh. "I've done what I can; so I suggest you head off."

"You have no idea—" Draco started but was cut off but Phoenix's scream and Sam's warning stare.

"I suggest you go before I let her out."

With that, Draco bolted out the door and started to head toward the east shoreline. He used the 'Point-Me' charm to navigate his way in the right direction and charmed the map to show his progress.

He was ever-thankful toward Sam and his understanding to his situation. It was almost as though through his silence of standing there and minor attempts at calming him and Phoenix, it was as though he knew what Draco was doing was right.

As though he was in silent support of his decision to pursue Hermione, to fix things; even if it was just to talk. Sam still understood. He would be indebted to him.

Depending on how this all goes that is.

.

* * *

.

Trees were everywhere.

He didn't think he'd find his way to the apparent shoreline where she was at. That's if there was one. At the rate that he was going, Draco felt like he was walking in circles but his continual checking his progress on the map showed that he was still headed in the right direction.

If only he'd thought to ask for the general distance of his destination.

He wasn't entirely dressed for a hike through the thick forest and now he was parched. The constant humming of the surrounding insects and occasional chirp of the birds was beginning to do his head in and toy with his patience.

So he sat down on the nearest stump, head in hands and collecting his thoughts as his heart rate settled. Draco looked through the trees to the skies above him, there was no way he'd make it to her cottage before the sun went down.

But he needed to tend to his dehydration. He reached out and picked up the pale blue shell at his feet, dipped enough to act as a cup. "_Aguamenti._"

The jet of water streamed into the shell and as soon as it was full, he raised the makeshift cup to his lips and downed it whole. Draco took in a deep breath and held it for a few seconds before exhaling. With exhaustion settling in, he closed his eyes, allowing himself a moment of peace and quiet.

The droning of the insect calls turned to a low purr and the bothersome chirps of the native birds turned into a soft, broken song. Even the periodical sound of the rolling waves soothed his soul.

Then it clicked.

Draco looked to his hands and finally realized what was still in his grasp; a shell.

Eager, he rose from the aged stump and began to run toward the sound of crashing waves. He picked his pace and rushed through the trees, darting around foliage and shrubs that posed as obstacles, ducking under and pushing his way through stray branches.

Shoving past the last couple of branches in his way, Draco finally found what he was searching for. Standing at the crest of the hill he was on, he scanned the scenery around him for the cottages.

Immediately he found the one he was looking for. The tell-tale pillar of smoke billowing from the chimney top gave him a sign that there was life within its walls. He found a trail down to the sand and fervently made his way down to the sand.

Draco stuck to the firmer sand on the shore, the white-wash of the waves occasionally washing over his shoes, but he didn't care. He was less than two hundred meters from the place he's been searching for and there were greater things to worry about.

He paused his progression towards her home and just stood there.

Inhaling deep and then exhaling even deeper, Draco suddenly felt dizzy. Finally his endeavors to find Hermione and try and settle the unrest were coming to fruition. Well, he'd found her and now he just had to complete the other half of his mission.

He would do this, no matter what it took.

He turned to study the cottage from his distance. Soft light shone through the windows and onto the balcony, giving an angelic glow to the figure sitting on the deck chair.

Hermione.

Something tugged at the weak threads that held his heart together as he took her in. He tried to take a step and move yet he found himself stuck. The mellow rose pink and bright orange of the sun's setting rays warmed his body and making the silvery blonde strands of his hair quite a shine, they may have acted as a reflector. But he pushed himself to make a start toward the cottage, he couldn't dawdle any longer.

He kept his gaze on her as he walked along the shore; not daring to look away.

.

* * *

.

The evening sun was making its statement as it set, her surroundings glowing like a dusk wonderland. Everything in sight was coated with a pink and gold glaze; even the trees looked like the dying embers of a fire.

She skimmed her sights over the watery platform beyond her balcony, looking an incredible shade of dark pink. Her vision kept cruising further down the shore till she spotted a lone figure standing at the waters edge, unmoving and facing her way.

Hermione tried to make out who it could possibly be. Maybe she was seeing things but she decided to check things out otherwise, plus her legs needed a little bit of a stretch.

So she set her mug down on the table top and slipped on a pair of sandals then followed the trail down to the shore. Hermione squinted, trying to focus her vision as she strolled over the sand toward the figure.

As they saw her approach, they too began to stride over in her direction. With little than one hundred meters to go, Hermione could now make out more of the persons features. The first and foremost attribute that caught her sights was the hair.

A white blonde and perfectly styled head of hair; it couldn't be.

A tall and lean frame just about added to her list of confirmation. Of course it could only be him; be Draco.

Her heart felt like plummeting and soaring for the heavens in the same instance. She was agitated yet eager, torn between sitting at either end of the emotional spectrum.

And so she decided to run; leaving both her heart and head behind for a moment but knowing fully they'll collide once she stopped and came face to face with the one who caused her to feel useless and at her peak at the same time.

One moment she was walking at a slow pace, the next she was charging right at him. Her radiant figure sprinted directly towards him, no signs of slowing down at all. He began to pick up his own pace, hoping to meet her in the middle a little quicker.

Everything seemed to slow down as he got closer and the better he could see her face but unable to read the emotions in her features. His hearts beating faltered and turned irregular at her nearness and in the blink of an eye she was wrapped in his arms.

Her arms were pressed against his chest and grasping onto his jacket for, what seemed to be, dear life; In return his arms constricted around her body not wanting to let her go. After what could've been and eternity, he kissed the top of her head and slowly released his grip on her and she did too.

Hermione took a step back, shifting her gaze to focus on the sand at her feet as she wiped at the salty trails of tears from her cheeks. Draco didn't know what to do with his arms as his body yearned to keep her in his hold but resorted to just leaving them beside his body.

She looked back up to him and he released a breath he was holding as his heart lurched. She was beautiful, always was completely irresistible.

They kept hold of each other's stare, not yet blinking. And once Hermione had, her actions had him taken completely aback.

She began pounding at his chest, balled fists swinging at his frame. Her heart flooded with everything she felt from when it all started, till this very moment; and the bad unfortunately outweighed the good and so she finally decided to take it out on him.

Draco stood strong, letting her use him as a punching bag. He deserved it and, in a twisted sort of way, he felt better that she was the one to physically abuse him.

"You—you, _idiot_!"

He still kept quiet, watching as the tears began to stream down her rosy cheeks.

"What makes you — think you can — just show up — like — _this!?_" she hollered as she kept beating at his chest.

He honestly didn't know whether or not it was rhetorical so he remained quiet.

She stopped for a moment, nearly hyperventilating. He thought the battering was over; he was wrong.

"Why!?" She shoved him. "Answer me! _Why!?_"

He cleared his throat and searched for something to say. "Am I not allowed to be here?" Draco near whispered.

"What?"

"Is there something wrong with me being here?" He questioned with a little more force than necessary. Stupid question it was though. He nearly wanted to beat himself upside the head; of course he knew there was a major problem with his presence.

"There is _everything _wrong with you being here Draco!" Hermione tried to still her body, but the heavy rise and falls defied her requests. "What are you doing here Draco?"

"I'm here to talk."

"About what!? What could you possibly say after all that has happened? After all this time apart?" Hermione dabbed at her eyes with the backs of her sleeves.

"About us; what else Hermione!?" he shouted, slightly void of emotion and blunt, but he was doing his best to reel in all emotion before choosing the right one to display.

"What else? Not even the weather?" She tried sarcastically.

Draco let out a shallow breath. "Look, I just want to say a few words then I'll be out of your way, is that alright?"

She closed her eyes for a brief moment, trying to take control of her seeping sanity and keep her tap of tears switched off. She gestured for him to continue talking.

"I'm going to say all that I feel is necessary." He cleared his throat as he began. "I will eternally regret what I did to you Hermione; it always did and to this moment still eats at me. Not having you around hurt immensely and I did all I could to numb the pain, try and talk myself out of the hole I verbally dug for myself, telling myself you didn't care anymore.

"I tried to build the courage that I was in desperate need of to make a move and follow up what happened that night. It shouldn't have ended like that; no way at all. Then I get the message from Harry that you'd left, which pushed me so far down into a hole that I'd labeled 'my fault'. I wanted to make sure I never came out. But Potter did what Potter does best and tried to talk some sense into me."

Hermione went to speak but he raised a finger to stop her.

"All I'm going to say is that you don't deserve what I've done to you, what I did to you and that after having so many people tell me I don't deserve you, I've accepted to myself that I don't either. You're more than I could possibly ask for and to pay back all the negative points in your life that I've clearly been the root of, I've decided it's best to remove myself completely from you; I'm sorry."

Draco took a step back, internally initiating the process of eliminating himself from her.

"That isn't fair." She finally spoke.

He cocked his head lightly in question.

"You didn't ask how I wanted to go in all of this and that isn't fair."

"It's the right thing to do—"

"Oh don't you dare give me that 'it's the right thing' crap, Draco."

He blinked sporadically in quiet shock of her words. "Then what, Hermione?"

"I—I…" she trailed off.

"Even if I told you I loved you, that wouldn't make a difference."

"How would you know?"

"I just do."

"Well, do you? Love me, that is."

"Always have." He mumbled.

Her chest bubbled with something she thought she'd felt before and did her best to brush it off.

"But like I said, it will make no difference." Draco did his best to articulate the last few words of his sentence, hoping to drive the point home. "And so, this is goodbye. I hope all will go well for you and your life ahead."

He turned away with the thought of just apparating away to escape quickly, but thought better of it and decided to keep walking. He did his best not to turn back and check if she was watching, to see if she cared. He had to understand that he needed to stop caring also.

Draco didn't quite notice that she was following him, thinking that the sound of shifting sand was his own doing. But he felt a warm presence around him and decided to stop and take it in.

Arms snaked around his waist once he'd stopped. Draco felt immeasurably bliss as her petite hands clasped either one at his stomach. He took a deep breath in and glanced toward the young night sky, wondering what on Earth could possibly be blessing him right now.

"It does make a difference, Draco; especially when I do too."

Whatever weak threads there were that weaved through his heart before, now fortified. His heart felt heavy with content and harmony. He turned around in her hold, not wanting to jostle her grip on him. As he took her in his arms, he began to lower them both to the ground.

Once he had her positioned in his lap, he just cradled her body, resting his chin on her head. Everything was okay; or so it seemed to be but that was what he chose to believe.

They would work this all out as time went on. For now, all was settled like the dust on age old trophies. They both would dictate where this partnership went; it would all be done together.

Draco felt at ease, and it felt incredible. The tension in his shoulders was no longer present and he felt as though breathing came to be a much easier task, now that all was possibly stable. He and Hermione both had each other, and she was all he needed.

The healing would come painfully and even chill them both to the bone with the confrontations ahead. Dreaming would come easier; they'd no longer be scared or alone or even ashamed of all that has happened. What has happened has happened and they've felt things that will never be the same.

They can't take back what they've taken from each other; they cannot be selfish.


End file.
